feh

I hadn't planned on such a stretch of time away from the Blog but as these things go, that's what happens. In this case, it's death, death, death. The sudden death of Jeff's uncle from a horrific car crash last week in Pittsburg to the death of my DSL modem at home to finding out this morning about the apparent death of one of my Mom's cat's.
The stark comparisons between the long-term, lingering death of someone and the sudden, here today-gone tomorrowness death from a car accident have been weighing heavily on my mind. You always wonder which would be better and I can tell you, both are equal in every way. What is good about one is horrific about the other and what is almost inhumane about the first is merciful for the second. But in the end, dead is dead and then we go on with our days, hopefully a little more alive and aware and present.

The death of my DSL and my lack of internet connections at home this weekend is just a plain, brown bagged bitch of a thing. While I could have been looking at porn or blogs or porno blogs, instead, I spent the day yesterday sewing up pillows for Jeff's mom's new furniture. This whole "Queer Eye..." thing is making the Gays seem a little bit too zealous for home remodeling and makeovers if you ask me. That being said, I do make a good pillow when I put my nose to the grindstone and my foot to the Singer Sewing Machine peddle.

The apparent death of my Mom's cat, Queenie is sort of weighing heavy with me. She went off to live with my Aunt Pam after my Mom's death and I can't think of a more perfect place for cats. A nice rolling farm with lots of love and caring but for Queenie who was a old ragamuffin kind of thing, it wasn't too be, I suppose. Despite her name, she was a real doll of a cat. We spent lots of time together, her sitting on my lap, licking my fingers as I took care of Mom in those last weeks and I began to appreciate how deeply I equated her with my Mom. I can't help but believe Queenie's life just became a blur of strangeness after my Mom died and eventually, she started following the breeze that carries my Mom's memories that's been blowing around us since she's been gone. Queenie just went for that long walk to find my Mom again and that's quite a journey. I will tend not to think of Queenie as dead so much as just moving on with the wind as cats tend to do, on some quiet business of their own. It's weird to be so sentimental about a cat but Queenie and her brood were so much a part of my Mom's life that with one being gone, I can't help but sort of just be sad about my Mom all over again. Damn.