February 2004 Archives

via Sparky

You're Switzerland!

While most people think you're sort of stuck up, it's really
just that people don't interest you that much.  That's why you'd rather
just stay out of everything and be as neutral as possible.  Somewhere in
there is an ability to be a psychiatrist because you're so objective, but you
might just be too cold for that.
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

"Jesus Christ."
That was about all we could say in our clever attempts at laughing off the horrific 130 minutes from the 4pm showing of "The Passion of the Christ". I know several people are boycotting the movie because Mel Gibson is a poopy head and I'm down with that, but I'm also a pop culture whore and when there is something burning up the right and left and bad ass enough to start killing off soccer moms in the bible belt, well, I need to be there. Also, I wanted to see what had a bunch of people screaming anti-Semitism.

As Jeff and I processed through the movie on the ride home, we both came to the same conclusion that it wasn't anti-Semitic. No one should feel like spitting on their Jewish brothers when they leave the theater. Now you might want to spit on some puffed up, headdress-wearing, black-hearted high priest when you come out, but that's about it. As far as I'm concerned, the Jewish people as a whole shouldn't be lumped in with the bad apples of a corrupting religious hierarchy much as I, as a baptized catholic (and currently non-practicing protestant), should be lumped into the College of Bishops in Rome. Dirty is as dirty does and we're just the peons going where we're pointed most of the time.

But lordy is that movie bloody. The scourging scene is one of those moments that makes you just want to cringe in your seat. I felt the same way watching the opening 17 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" and the whole of "Schindler's List". But just because a movie makes you uncomfortable isn't a reason not to see it. Jeff and I agreed that coming out of the theater, neither of us had a better understanding of who Jesus was or what he was about than when we went in, but we have a better feeling for the misery of the Passion which I think, is was the point.

From a purely cinematic point of view which is my favorite, the movie itself is stunning. Say what you will about Mel Gibson but the movie almost feels like it has no dialogue. It's all about the slow motion and extreme angles and amazing music that, much like impressionistic art, is more about how it causes you to feel that what you're really seeing. The best part of the movie or at least, the most significant for me is the lurking Lucifer in the guise of an eyebrow-less woman with her demonic minions floating through the crowds. It was continually unnerving and gave me the other-worldly balance I needed to weigh the grueling reality of repeated torture.

It's a toughy, no kidding around, but it really is an event.

I got an a quick IM from Barnes this morning…or maybe it was yesterday. They’ve all been quick because somehow, in the last few months, I’ve matured so rapidly at work that I actually concentrate on work and have to stay off the IM to get anything done. So Barnes says, “Jay told me to tell you he hates you for writing once a week.” Well honey, me too. I’m just saying I’m feeling lucky to get to even write then. Work used to be, for as many years as I can remember doing what I’m doing now, a time to reflect and write in the blog and read other people’s blogs and sort of, find myself. I’ve been well-paid for just that. But ultimately, the piper comes for his due and now I find myself so enmeshed and embroiled in the consistent, dizzying restructuring of the administrative architecture under which I toil, the rest of my life suffers. I’m moving up that professional ladder whether I like it or not and finalizing the arrangements to start a dual masters in nursing and business with a focus on health care management either at the end of March or the beginning of June.

What I’m saying is, I don’t even recognize who I am any more. I’ve been lucky enough to find an amazing mentor at work and finally appreciate the role of a mentor as a leader. I look at management styles and can honestly discern effective from toxic and I’m so profoundly sure that I’m currently being drowned in poison from the big bosses. All this while I’m nesting in a supervision class that repeatedly shows me exactly what I knew about myself all along. I’m an INTP (thought my T tangos with the nuances of an F at a moments notice) and in management styles, I’m a dual Avoider/Accommodator; far, far away from the optimal win-win vigor of a Collaborator. So I have tremendous work to accomplish within myself and on my surroundings. All the sudden I’m taking up operational management in my office and sometimes I just close my door and wonder what the fucking I’m doing. I don’t know anything and I certainly have no idea how to lead. Repeated viewings of ‘The Apprentice” confirms that every week.

And that’s where I am though my heart is always here.

While in the past I've been unusually quiet on the subject of certain reality TV shows that people hate like poison, I have to give a shout of "Thank God" for last night's American Idol finalists. For anyone not in the loop, American Idol has gone through it's ridiculous five episodes of showing the worst auditions and another three episodes of weeding out the wieners in Hollywood and is now in the full swing of picking the final 12 in weekly increments of four groups of eight that two are selected from. Got that? So we're in the second heat of the four groups and this week’s group wasn't just bad, they were awful. It was almost unwatchable. Actually, the whole show up to this point has been almost unwatchable but yet we watch anyway. Being the smart TiVoids, we opted to just Tivo the results episode last night and then fast forward to the last two minutes to find out the finalists avoiding not only the commercials but all inane, nails-on-chalkboard banter between Ryan Seacrest and the judges.

So the group this time was so bad, there just wasn't a clear winner at least in my opinion so when you can't judge a singing competition by the singing, then it's time to resort to the next best thing: who gives you a boner. Last night I had dim hopes for the only hot guy I've seen so far in the whole of all the groups; some 6-foot something former football player (former Rose Bowl player as he mentions frequently) who has BEAR PORN STAR written all over him. He actually has a great voice but unfortunately gave a ho-hum performance Tuesday night. I'd feared the worst and assumed he wouldn't get the votes to move into the final 12 but low and behold, he pulled it out and moves on. Now my boner and I have something to cheer about for the rest of the three months the show is running.

ACK!! It can't be that many days since I last posted. Fuckers.

Anyway...my newest great-idea is to make up for the last 20 years of not being a video game player. In a flash of inspiration, I figured I'd just buy a game console and a few games and have at it. Who knew the fantastically expensive AMBR computer I bought last year has the video graphics card of a small digital watch. Now I'm left to decide either to upgrade my graphics card and system memory or just fa-gid-abou-dit and buy a PS2 or XBox.