What you see is what you get

By Beau on December 14, 2004 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (606)

I was chatting with Barnes today and I confessed something to him that I�d rediscovered about myself last night as I was walking home from the pedicure that ended up costing me $75. The pedicure wasn�t the confession, although it did set me on the deep thinking path about myself. It started with, �Why am I the kind of person who just keeps saying �yes� instead of �I�m sorry, I can�t understand what you�re saying� to the nice lady shaving the calluses off my heel with a razor?� and by the time I was past the Bergdorff Christmas windows, which are as sumptuous and sophisticated as always, I was rediscovering the self-realization that I will never be a New Yorker. I�d come to this conclusion late in the final year before our move to the country and now that we�re back in the city periodically, the notion remains. Even if I was moneyed and connected, I would still be that mid-western boy from Ohio; na�ve, percolating anxiety and simmering embarrassment at the slightest social foible, geeky in sort of a boring way. And it�s not self-loathing or low-self esteem but just an identification of where in the metropolis� strata I reside. And so that is how I fit into the New York scene.

To underscore this very idea, I went to my first WYSIWYG Talent Show playing in the lower East Side. It was never an area we ever spent much time in when we were in the city but it was so beautiful tonight with strands of white bulbs zig-zagging from tree to tree over the streets, funky, expensive boutiques in closet-sized stores, and darkish bars and restaurants with a few people leaning in to whisper to one another. It�s colder than fuck right now in the city so I was all bundled up, sniffling and just enjoying the hell out of my slow prowl.

The Talent Show was an all musical holiday special and it was my single social thing I had planned for this week. My very large paper due tomorrow on supply chain revision is already 1000-words over the upper limit so I put the kabash on it for the evening, scrubbed the kootch and tried to pick from the few comfort clothes we have in the apartment something that looked vaguely Lower East Side hipsterish. I failed miserably, ending up looking like a lesbian, but I went anyway. Of course anxious over the idea I might not get in based on past sold out shows, I arrived much too early so I found a great little Ukrainian restaurant and ordered a big bowl of steaming borscht. I chose borscht because as my one and only social outing this week, I wanted it to be everything my regular evening is not, so I pretended to belong down there and ordered wine and a potato pancake, too. The talent show was fun and I got to see Sparky but it was obvious that where I sit in the Blog is much different from where the cool kids are at these days. This site is such a relic of days past, even though it�s coming up on five years in January. Nothing new under the sun, just new shoes. The musical numbers were hip and inspired and witty and of a talented nature so all in all, it was a good night to be part of the city again.

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