August 2007 Archives

So it's the night before we leave and we've spent the day doing avoidance activities to keep from going to crazy with the wait. It almost might have been better going in and making today my last day...KIDDING, no it wouldn't have. So we mowed the lawn, pulled crab-grass, unloaded all the ripened tomatoes, summer squash, and cucumbers from the garden. Jeff made 17 quarts of sour pickles while I painted the trip around the new windows in the bedroom and then built in some shelving into one of our bedroom closet. And then it was 2pm and we were fucked because all the work for the day was done and it was still only early afternoon on a day where we still can't eat a fucking thing. So I laid down and took a nap on the porch, Jeff viewed internet porn, we went for a walk, played a game of Scrabble, and then settled into watching TV.

This has been the longest day ever. Or at least so far as tomorrow, for as rushed as I feel right now is really going to be more of the same. Heading back into the city first thing in the morning to drop off the car and then back to the apartment to finish packing. Honestly, though, that packing is really just going to be running through all our various lists to make sure we don't forget anything (which I know we will), trying to determine which books to bring along (more weight issues) and do a final decision on what gets checked and what gets carried on (do I really need to carry my harness on?). We'll show up at the air port three hours in advance of our flight, just in case, only to find it's delayed from one to two additional hours. Essentially we'll be up at 6am to run around for a flight that will ultimately not take off until 7 or 8pm. I have a bottle of 30 Valium for just such an occasion. Of course I'm not complaining...I'm just saying that I wish I could fast-forward 24 hours and just get this damn cruise finally started.

But it is finally here and we've reached our goals. Jeff hit his 165lbs on the scale today and I'm at my lowest at 173lbs so even our 32-inch waist pants and shorts are drooping on us. I'll take that as a win, any day. So yay us...we're both entering Jeff's 40th birthday as fit and healthy as we've probably ever been and our eight months of working towards are goals are realized. Amazing.

Off to have a good time.

We celebrated Jeff's 40th with our pre-BGC mani/pedi/waxing. Super gay, I know, but then we are Super Gay and have even upped our Super Gayness with our hair coloring so why not go get a mani/pedi/waxing? Of course, after 13 years together, why not have Jeff spring on me that my semi-Hobbitish feet and toe hair needs to be waxed. WTF? But for him, I'll wax them and did. Not quite a Brazilian, but still, not normal. But now my toes and feet are hairless.

Then it was off to dinner with Nick, Steven, Nikki, Andrew, Andrew, and Scott. Great food, great friends and great conversation. And then a great picture of us to boot. Woot.

Tomorrow is our big day: last spin class pre-big BGC AND last day of work. I might have actually activated my vacation email this afternoon. Maybe.

We've successfully deposited the kitties with Bubbie Charlotte and managed to start Jeff's 40th with a great family party back in Harrisburg. His mom put together a wonderful party for him, surrounding him with loving family with familiar foods from his childhood and just a fantastic sensation of how great 40 is going to be for him. It was a great kick off for this week that will find us in Barcelona by the Saturday when 40 actually hits him. Sure we'll be on a Delta International flight in coach and coming out of a Valium stupor but come on, we have the Big Gay Cruise ahead of us. Woot!

In celebration of probably the gayest thing we've done so far, we decided to jump in with both feet and gay up our hair, me with highlights and Jeff going totally Jean Harlow. It's only now we regret not getting our ears pierced several months ago so we could throw in some cute little hoops to complete our complete reversion to twenty-something twinks, those twenty-something twinks that we never, ever were.

So we're only working until Wednesday this week, then zipping up to the house returning back to the city on Friday to catch our flight. We can't believe it's almost here.

While the cats have determined that sleeping the days away in large open suitcases is a life for spoiled felines, they haven't quite put it together that they're not going on the Big Gay Cruise with us. They are, however, going to Jeff's Mom's in Harrisburg this weekend to spend some quality time with Bubbie Charlotte. We're heading out to Harrisburg this weekend both to deliver the girls but also, really, to start the birthday celebration for Jeff. Since her baby is turning 40, Jeff's Mom wanted a party so we've invited family over to a small brunch on Sunday morning to start the festivities. In all the craziness for the trip, we've both kind of lost sight that next Saturday when we wake in Barcelona, one us is going to be 40 and one of us isn't. It's definitely the way to slide into a new decade and there are no sign of any mid-life crisis surfacing. Ultimately, how bad can 40 be on a ship filled with 2000 gay men and Charo?

Packing continues. Things go in and then back out again as I continue to review my entire travel history and realize EVERY time I've traveled, I've used 1/3 of the stuff I took and have always vowed not to over pack the next time. But isn't this time worthy of over-packing? I have just about everything vacuum packed and separated out, though, and now I'm sorting out what shoes to take.

I'm constantly watching the weather now, trying to determine if crappy weather will delay our flight out of JFK. Of course with Hurricane Dean heading towards the Gulf, it's tough to say when the spin-off storms would make their way up to NYC but I'm assuming about next Friday at 5pm when we're suppose to leave.

Holy SHEET! Look at Justin's amazing haul for the cruise. I want more room for shoes. Though of course, even in New York City, I would have no idea where to go to get them, such is our most boring city lives. But I can covet those shoes like a homo-mofo.

Of course I might have slipped into Jim Hanley's Universe this even and got a Superman t-shirt with a red, metallic "S" symbol. I'm just saying that I can forgo one of my J.Crew green t-shirts because how do you not take Kal-El along?

In the "Hello My Name Is..." category: Jeff and I have, over the course of our 13 years together, tried to revision ourselves with fun nicknames when we're in new situations, surrounded by new people. Our most famous (in our own heads) switch-a-roo was introducing ourselves as Ridge and Trucker who bartended at some parties for a few friends. Horribly, HORRIBLY soap-opera-ish names, I know, but there you go. Ridge and Trucker have stuck around for a while though we haven't pulled them out for a while so we thought for the BGC it might be time to re-introduce them. But then, as with our new waist lines and clothes, we thought that it might be nice to come up with some new nicknames and see if we could really get them to stick this time. After much deliberation (and some middle of the night inspiration from a dream) we've settled on our new persona's: J. Michael Shaker and B. Baker Browne so we'd be known as....wait for it: Shake and Bake! I'm enamored of it. I'm Baker, btw, which is my nod to my maternal grandmother's maiden name, something that I would have loved to name a child had we ever decided to have children, which we didn't, aren't, and won't (Hi, 17-day Mediterranean cruise versus no vacations for seventeen years and THEN four years of college tuition. No brainer). So everyone who knows me, either on the BGC or not, can now refer to me as Bake, my new nickname that I'll be using forever.

Weight loss: Jeff has decided I've lost enough weight. It wasn't that I hit 174lbs yesterday but that as I was laying on the couch last night, my congenitally pointed, slightly protruding xiphoid process was really sticking out and it grossed him out. Problematic because I'm rather fond of laying on my back for other moreintimate reasons and so now I'll have to come up with creative ways to lure the bee to my honey. But back to my xiphoid erection, it's not from weight loss but the position of the thing. But gross-out is gross out. Still, I'm at 174lbs so who the fuck cares, right? I love laying flat on my back and sucking in my stomach so that someone can see the outline of my kidneys...from the front.

The Big Gay Cruise is 16 days away. Let's roll some numbers and current mental and emotional statuses:

47.7lbs - The weight of the big suitcase with all the clothes I thought I would take MINUS two pairs of shoes I'm considering, two pairs of jeans I'm considering, all socks and underwear I'm taking. Harness is packed and going, no matter what.

2 - number of suitcases Jeff and I are bringing each. One large one to check (and we're flying Delta so we're assuming we're going to lose them for the first couple days) and one pair of smaller wheels as a carry-on with a few days worth of clothes and accessories.

3 - Books I'm brining so far besides the Blue Guide travel books covering Spain, Rome, Florence, Greece, and Turkey. I'm taking old favorites: The Virgin Suicides, The Probably Future, Blackbird House. I was going to take the Gormanghast Trilogy but it's too damn heavy and might seem imposing to all the ab-tastic muscle heads that will be kicking sand in my face.

20.1lb - the weight of the delivery from Toomey's Mardi Gras supply. I'd ordered four masks and just a few beads to cover the Mardi Gras and Venetian Carnivale parties being thrown over the course of the two cruises. I'm unclear exactly what weighs 20.1 lbs other than a huge mis-ordering I did on beads. I've rechecked my invoice to make sure I only ordered a single dozen of something rather than a single gross. It was delivered yesterday up at home so we'll find out. Not sure where all that crap will go. A very nice guy I've been corresponding with who is going on the cruise too mentioned that we don't even have to bring our own beads because the ship supplies them. Now he tells me.

13 - The number of regular, unadorned medium and small t-shirts in various colors, though ranging mostly through the blue and green spectrum. I don't think I need this many but I'm figuring that I'll be using them as my day/excursion wear and changing into Cha Cha Wear at night time so I need all thirteen.

11 - dressed, fagged-up, decorated, bedazzled, and slogan t-shirts that I'm taking. This would meld into my Cha Cha wear depending on the circumstance, state of mind, and company. These include our Charo "Cuchi Cuchi" tee's we just bedazzled this past weekend (which, btw, is easier to do by hand then use the damn piece of plastic application shit known as "The Bedazzler". Save your money and just buy the rhinestones and do it by hand). This also includes my "Xanadude" shirt I bought from Richard (which might get some Bedazzling this weekend) which is in the running for one of the two White Parties, and my Batman Begins insigna shirt.

2 - cockrings that fit on my harness. Still can't decide which one is more comfortable in dancing mode for a long period of time.

4 - Long sleeved button down Cha Cha shirts that I tailored myself over the weekend after refusing to pay anyone else to do it. Seriously, how hard could it have been to run a seam and throw in a couple darts. I got so proficient at it that by the end of the weekend, I was pinning them on myself rather than making Jeff stand around and act like my sewing form.

4 1/2 - pairs of variously hued cargo shorts of varying length. The 1/2 covers the pair of cargo pants that will zip off to form shorts. Apparently the Catholic Church doesn't want a bunch of stickie tourists polluting St. Peter's with exposed knees.

Currently worrying about: Having some kind of city-wide black out on the 24th that would cancel our flight to Barcelona, causing us to miss our ship. Ridiculous, I know, but that is where my mind wanders these days. Also, how much Valium I'll need to take to sleep through the seven hours in coach class.

CHARO is the headliner on the first leg of the cruise. The bedazzled "Cuchi Cuchi" t-shirt making has begun. That is all.

UPDATE: Thank God for Bill and his eagle-eyed gayness. I would have been TOTALLY mortified had we spelled the shirts wrong. Good thing I was planning to bring the Bedazzler with us on the ship, though. Thanks a million, Bill.

OMG! We met up with a new spin instructor last night before the class and she's putting together a dodge-ball team for the league here in the city. Jeff totally balked at it, citing horrific issues of 6th grade gym class. I have those exact same issues but I'm SO doing it if for no other reason then to put a stake in that puny, knock-kneed, un-jocked, no-sports-talented, scaredy-cat kid all the other kids in my class used to call faggot. WOOT!

Dodge-ball...I mean, how fantastic. Now if I can just find a kick-ball and mat-ball league I'll be set.

Starts at the end of September. There could be video.

Because the Gays like to network, I posted our essential demographics on several forum sites dedicated to Atlantis cruises in an effort to have a few friendly faces on the cruise when we arrive. Twelve hours after posting, I get this email exchange:

Greekjock67: Hey, we should meet for drinks on the ship. Here's my cell: ....

Me: Wow, that would be great. We're so excited to have the trip just around the corner. We can't wait to start meeting everyone. This is our first Atlantis cruise so we're a little nervous but everyone has had such fantastic things to say about it, we're not really worried.

Greekjock67: We met last time. Your outfits were so amazing then, maybe you can let me borrow one this go around. I'm not booked for the cruise yet because I want to find a roommate first. Do you know of anyone?

Me: Hmmm...not sure what you mean. Where did we meet? We've never done an Atlantis cruise before. We hear there are some pretty amazing costumes for the theme parties but we're just going to play it down so we don't have to haul a bunch of shit to Europe.

Greekjock67: So we didn't fuck last year?

Me: ....um, I'm going to say no.

And surprisingly, I haven't heard from him since. I hope this isn't a harbinger for the cruise.