02.28.04
Who moved my cheese?
I got an a quick IM from Barnes this morning…or maybe it was yesterday. They’ve all been quick because somehow, in the last few months, I’ve matured so rapidly at work that I actually concentrate on work and have to stay off the IM to get anything done. So Barnes says, “Jay told me to tell you he hates you for writing once a week.” Well honey, me too. I’m just saying I’m feeling lucky to get to even write then. Work used to be, for as many years as I can remember doing what I’m doing now, a time to reflect and write in the blog and read other people’s blogs and sort of, find myself. I’ve been well-paid for just that. But ultimately, the piper comes for his due and now I find myself so enmeshed and embroiled in the consistent, dizzying restructuring of the administrative architecture under which I toil, the rest of my life suffers. I’m moving up that professional ladder whether I like it or not and finalizing the arrangements to start a dual masters in nursing and business with a focus on health care management either at the end of March or the beginning of June.
What I’m saying is, I don’t even recognize who I am any more. I’ve been lucky enough to find an amazing mentor at work and finally appreciate the role of a mentor as a leader. I look at management styles and can honestly discern effective from toxic and I’m so profoundly sure that I’m currently being drowned in poison from the big bosses. All this while I’m nesting in a supervision class that repeatedly shows me exactly what I knew about myself all along. I’m an INTP (thought my T tangos with the nuances of an F at a moments notice) and in management styles, I’m a dual Avoider/Accommodator; far, far away from the optimal win-win vigor of a Collaborator. So I have tremendous work to accomplish within myself and on my surroundings. All the sudden I’m taking up operational management in my office and sometimes I just close my door and wonder what the fucking I’m doing. I don’t know anything and I certainly have no idea how to lead. Repeated viewings of ‘The Apprentice” confirms that every week.
And that’s where I am though my heart is always here.
February 28, 2004 at 8:34 am
You go Beau!! You’ll be great at school and will be happy you went for the masters many years from now!
Anonymous said,
February 29, 2004 at 6:15 pm
Yes, Beau, I agree with Beth and appreciate your struggle to find the right “style”! One day whichever becomes your professional persona, you will be able to say you are your own man and not some puppet going here and there at the whim of some asshole with a negative management style.