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"Do you want a free condom? They're boysenberry flavored. My boyfriend uses one every time we have sex and it makes his junk smell like pie."
-Disenfranchised chicklet working the front desk of the abortion clinic

Juno is hilarious in the best way possible. When it goes into wide release, go see it.

For our date night last night, Jeff and I treated ourselves to the 3D IMAX version of Beowulf and WOW, WOW, WOW. So obviously, the story is the story, loosely based on the actual story of Beowulf. I think Neil Gaiman did a good job with the story over all but it didn't stray too far into unwritten territory. I think the real win for this movie is obviously the advancing technology of CGI-generated characters. Beowulf, while obviously CGI, is one step closer to not being able to tell the difference between real and not...but it's not there yet. Still, both Jeff and I were thoroughly entertained and being able to watch it not only in 3D but on the 7-story IMAX screen was incredible, especially the climactic battle at the end.

And all the naked flesh of Beowulf and Grendel's mother (A very perky, naked Angelina Jolie) was nice.

The 3D immersion technology has really come far and now that you don't have to wear those goggle helmet deals, it's that much better. Here is me in the new 3D glasses waiting for the movie to start:

We took in '300' this evening. My. God. So many ab-tastic dudes walking around in leather speedo's and harnesses, and Gerard Butler as King Leonides in a beard. Yeah there was blood and gore for the other men in the audience but for us, it was all about men in underwear 'cause we're just that shallow.

Jeff and I were invited to catch one of the limited engagement pre-national release showings of "Dreamgirls" being held that Ziegfeld Theater in mid-town last night. For the $25 ticket we each bought, we got to see the movie in reserved seats (which RAWKS!), collected a limited edition, signed and numbered official movie lithograph (to be sold on eBay shortly), and a commemorative program that was all glossy. Also, I was seated in front of some Dreamgirl fanboys who literally "Woof, woof, woofed" through several acts as if we were at some beer-soaked, tailgating sporting event in New Jersey. For God's sake, we're homo's and it's DREAMGIRLS...in a movie theater. Who the hell are you asking to let the dogs out?

All that being said and only being eleven and in the wilds of Ohio at the time of its Broadway debut, I was pleasantly, thoroughly entertained through the whole movie. Everything they say about Jennifer Hudson's performance was pretty right-on for me. The girl can sing. I had gone into the movie expecting Beyonce's role to be a throw-away, something they offered to her just to get her name in the headlines, but again, was surprised at the work she did to carry out her part. She by no means deserves the top billing she's contractually getting, but I feel justified because Jennifer is blowing everyone away, whether she's top billed or not.

Between savage Mayan cannibals or snazzy divas in glittery, shiny dresses, go for the girls, boys.

I took Jeff to see 'Superman Returns' last night after seeing it for myself last week. We were packed into a Manhattan theater on 86th street with several hundred of our closest strangers so the movie starts out just fine and we settle back into our uncomfortable seats for the next three hours.

And then the New York City moving-going experience starts. There is a REAL Superman fan who, after Superman rescues the crashing jetliner, instructs everyone loudly that we should all be clapping because, "Yo, that's Superman! Damn straight that is Superman. Clap, y'all!" So everyone snickers and claps. Then this very enthusiastic lady continues to bark out pro-Superman comments the entire movie. As if we're not all excited to have Superman back and have a decent, watchable movie (albeit some rather glaring deviations from the Superman legend, several of which she apparently agreed with which marked her in the eyes of fanboys as total phony. I was in that camp).

I give the movie a B+ for carrying on the flag of the original two movies and great FX. I give the Manhattan movie going experience of seeing Superman Returns a big fat D.

So I stood in line the other day for a chance at a premiere screening of X-Men, thinking I wouldn't even get those...but I did! Then today, planning to bolt out of work at 4:30pm to go stand in line at 42nd street for the 8pm showing. Of course a work emergency (hehehe...as if administering clinical research can have emergencies) popped up and I didn't get out until 6pm and the line at the theater was fa-SHIZZLE and around the corner and down the street. No chance of getting in...but I DID! Free "X-Men 3: The Last Stand" four days before the national release. How friggin' perfect was my day?

The movie rocks! Definitely some controversial decisions with the characters but Ratner brings the action and there is a TON of fan-boy cum-in-your-pants gags that should please everyone. I'm not sure Superman Returns in June can top this one.

Strange, unanswered, lingering annoyances about "War of the Worlds":

possible spoilers....

What kind of crack does Steven Speilberg smoke when he decideds to direct?

The creepy red viney stuff that is fertilized with human blood is for what, exactly? It has what to do with the movie? You're telling me those things have been buried for millions of years only to erupt to grow glow-in-the-dark red vines?

If the humans are so precious (see above), then why are the tripods vaporizing humans with their death-rays?

How does Tom Cruise, covered in the ashes of several women vaporized around him, manage to become sparkling clean with a quick splash of water on his face and yet Dakota Fannaing in the space of six seconds becomes a dirt ball?

Did Dakota Fanning know that she was going to be dunked in a vat of mud for sixty continuous days during this shoot?

You're telling me the snake-eyeball only has visual perception but no auditory sensors that would detect two large people (and one dirty little girl) stopping around a cluttered, creaky basement as they continually move around behind it?

What homo was working the CGI control grid that designed an enormous alien ASSHOLE that would open up and suck Tom Cruise into it...and then spit him back out (read: worth the price of admission).

Did Miranda Otto actually get paid for appearing a whole two minutes in the movie?

I always sort of cringe and hold my breath when a new comic book-inspired movie comes out. There are so many ways to do it wrong and there are ample examples to prove thats true. But Batman Begins is one of those special ones that got it right. Christopher Nolan's vision of Gotham, the story behind how Batman begins...it's all just right for me. I could enjoy it as a fan who understands the significance of Gotham's lost Narrows while Jeff who isn't a comic person could understand and connect to the depth of the story without needing any comic background. It all just made sense in a very non-comic fantastical way. I'm not sure how they'll pull of doing the Joker in the next one but they definitely won me over in this one. My only criticism is using Liam Neison and it has less to do with how he was used in this movie but rather how he was, as an actor, miserably used in The Phantom Menace. I just can't get stupid Qui-Gon out of my head whenever he was on the screen. Cillian Murphy's Scarecrow is excellent, though.

Screw Willy Wonka...it's all about September's Corpse Bride.

I love movie and TV soundtracks. If I lollygagged through my music collection, a majority of what I own, besides Enya (it was a phase), Vangelis, and Pink Floyd are soundtracks. There is an inner drama-queen not buried too deep, I realize, and the dramatic swell and emotionally charged crescendos of soundtrack music, specially designed to heighten and exploit the moods of a particular scene, get me every time. Not only am I a marketer's dream, I'm an emotional sucker for overwhelming and awe-inspired thrusts of music. Of course my favorites include a lot of Vangelis (BladeRunner and 1492), but I listen to "Lord of the Rings", "Gladiator", and a constant favorite for a few months, "Solaris". Chances are, if you ran up to me on the street while I had my iPod running, one of these soundtracks would be playing.

Such is my need to share this right now because I'm listening to the "Gladiator" soundtrack again after some time apart and finding it as powerful and moving as the first time I heard it.

Jeff and I both would encourage anyone who hasn’t seen Nia Vardalos’ “Connie & Carla”, newly out on DVD, to give it a whirl. When we saw it last spring, we were so utterly delighted at the funny, fanciful movie and fully expected the critics to rave and forgive her for the “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” TV show, re-anointing her as the talented writer/comedienne she is. Our dismay came when horrible, scathing reviews came out about “Connie & Carla” and the movie opened to an abysmal $2 million the first week, there by cementing its demise and dropping it off the cineplex’s marquees by the following week. Except that it’s funny and charming and is all about drag queens; drag queen movies being neck-and-neck with my other favorite film category, existential science fiction.

And it's got Toni Collette, for God’s sake. And it’s funny. And sure the message is obvious but it’s still a good, fun movie. So go see it.

Though I don't have it posted anywhere on the site, I know I've talked about it over and over and over again about my favorite movie, “Bladerunner”. I'm a sci-fi geek of sorts though I can never stand up to the comparisons to the die-hard Trekkies and trekkers. I appreciate a good sci-fi tale for the science and whiz-bang of the gadgetry but that's about as far as it goes. That's why "Bladerunner" has always been so much more to me. Film noir at its very best and I'll go out on a limb to say that there has not been a better sci-fi movie made before or after. "2001" comes close, of course, but really what other movie can reach out and touch someone on so many different, deeper levels and wrestle with the questions of mortality and reality and humanity and do it with the most amazing music score ever? All that in one perfect film, seriously.

I can tell you without question my two favorite categories of movies: drag queen movies and existential science fiction. The newest member of the later category is “Solaris”. I finally just saw it and while not as good as "Bladerunner" (because nothing ever can be), it had all the elements I love in existential sci-fi: moodiness, melancholy, noirish cinematography, hosts of challenging, difficult questions about our lives and their meanings and what comes after. The music adds just the right tone to the movie as does the ethereally illuminated shots of the planet, Solaris. What is it? Is it alive? Why does it call the dead back?

Honestly, I know any movie that talks about bringing the return of the dead perks me up because it's not to hard for my imagination to start romping around and saying "what if". It didn't take me long at all to feel the impact of imagining myself on the orbiting ship around Solaris and waking up to find my Mom there and not caring why or how but just taking in the shear relief of it and the respite from the longing and grief.