Vanity: December 2004 Archives

Saturday night at Jeff's Mom's birthday party:

Uncle Buzzy, Jeff's 90-something great uncle who hasn't seen us for a while:
"Wow...you got big. Jeff must be feeding you well."
Me: "Uh-huh"

*format stolen from someone’s blog because it was too perfect to pass up for this event.

Vanity: Holy Shit!! Are you kidding me with this? How can my hair look this bad after I just got it cut and relaxed?
Beau: I know, I know. Totally fucked out of $125 to look like this.
Vanity: I’m embarrassed to be seen with you. It hasn’t looked this bad since your 7th grade school picture.
Worry: What will people think? Everyone is totally looking at us.
Beau: Jesus….I know, I know. We need to consider our options. Probably can’t get another appointment until next week and that’s a whole weekend of Harrisburg in-laws for the holiday with this. I’m just going to wear a hat.
Vanity: No. Way.
Spontaneity: Ahhhhhhhhhhh. I’ve got an idea. Where’s Resourcefulness?
Beau: Resting from the day at work. He’s around someplace.
Spontaneity: We need him. We’re cutting our own hair tonight.
Vanity: Say wha?
Beau: Huh?
Worry: Oh good Lord.
Spontaneity: Find Resourcefulness and Beer. We’ll take care of everything.
Beau: How bad could it be?
Worry: Bad bad. What if it looks WORSE? They’ll be no correcting it until next week and then you know Pride is going to jump in and not let you go back to that hack and force him to give you a better cut.
Vanity: But my God…we’re going to be around a shit-load of people this weekend. What to do, what to do.
Resourcefulness: Got a beep…whattsup?
Spontaneity: Grab Beer. We have work to do.
Beer: I’m here.
Spontaneity: Bring friends.
Worry: I don’t even know where to begin. I need to go find Fear.
Beau: I’m totally out of this whole thing.

Ten minutes later:

Beau: Hmmm….
Vanity: Hmmm….
Worry: I’m not even looking.
Spontaneity: We should bleach it white. Wouldn’t that be cool?
Worry: Oh God.
Beau: I’m thinking we’re done for this round of being left home alone.